The Phasma in the Fireplace

A quick addendum

Apr 21, 2023

I made an off-color joke in the footnotes of yesterday’s post, and woke up this morning worrying that some of my readers would think I’d made it up from whole cloth, just for the sake of vulgarity1. Just to clarify—despite the comedic presentation, the circumstances are faithful to the primary source, as translated by Dr. Flaminia Beneventano della Corte. Behold:

A similar episode is told by Dionysius of Halicarnassus—
Φέρεται δέ τις ἐν ταῖς ἐπιχωρίοις ἀναγραφαῖς καὶ ἕτερος ὑπὲρ τῆς γενέσεως αὐτοῦ λόγος ἐπὶ τὸ μυθῶδες ἐξαίρων τὰ περὶ αὐτόν, ὃν ἐν πολλαῖς Ῥωμαϊκαῖς ἱστορίαις εὕρομεν, εἰ θεοῖς τε καὶ δαίμοσι λέγεσθαι φίλος τοιοῦτος: αἵτινες ἀπὸ τῆς ἑστίας τῶν βασιλείων, ἐφ ̓ ἧς ἄλλας τε Ῥωμαῖοι συντελοῦσιν ἱερουργίας καὶ τὰς ἀπὸ τῶν δείπνων ἀπαρχὰς ἁγίζουσιν, ὑπὲρ τοῦ πυρὸς ἀνασχεῖν λέγουσιν αἰδοῖον ἀνδρός. τοῦτο δὲ θεάσασθαι τὴν Ὀκρισίαν πρώτην φέρουσαν τοὺς εἰωθότας πελάνους ἐπὶ τὸ πῦρ καὶ αὐτίκα πρὸς τοὺς βασιλεῖς ἐλθοῦσαν εἰπεῖν. [2] τὸν μὲν οὖν Ταρκύνιον ἀκούσαντά τε καὶ μετὰ ταῦτ ̓ ἰδόντα τὸ τέρας ἐν θαύματι γενέσθαι, τὴν δὲ Τανακυλίδα τά τ ̓ ἄλλα σοφὴν οὖσαν καὶ δὴ καὶ τὰ μαντικὰ οὐδενὸς χεῖρον Τυρρηνῶν ἐπισταμένην εἰπεῖν πρὸς αὐτόν, ὅτι γένος ἀπὸ τῆς ἑστίας τῆς βασιλείου πέπρωται γενέσθαι κρεῖττον ἢ κατὰ τὴν ἀνθρωπείαν φύσιν ἐκ τῆς μιχθείσης τῷ φάσματι γυναικός. τὰ δ ̓ αὐτὰ καὶ τῶν ἄλλων τερατοσκόπων ἀποφηναμένων δόξαι τῷ βασιλεῖ τὴν Ὀκρισίαν, ᾗ πρώτῃ ἐφάνη τὸ τέρας, εἰς ὁμιλίαν αὐτῷ συνελθεῖν: καὶ μετὰ τοῦτο τὴν γυναῖκα κοσμησαμένην, οἷς ἔθος ἐστὶ κοσμεῖσθαι τὰς γαμουμένας, κατακλεισθῆναι μόνην εἰς τὸν οἶκον, ἐν ᾧ τὸ τέρας ὤφθη.
In local records, another story relating to his birth is also told (scil. by Servius Tullius) which places the events in the sphere of the marvelous; it's quoted in many Roman tales and, if the gods and daimones like it to be told, here's the story. From the king's hearth, on which the Romans make various sacrifices and they offer the first fruits of their meals, above the fire, they say that a phallus arose. Ocrisias saw it first, placing on the hearth the usual ritual offerings, and who immediately went to inform the king and queen of what happened. Tarquinius, when he had heard and, subsequently, seen the prodigy, was amazed; Tanaquilla, who was knowledgeable in so many subjects, and below none of the Etruscans in the knowledge of prophecy, told Tarquinius that from the king's hearth—and particularly from the union of the woman with the phasma—a better offspring than human nature would have been born. Since the other interpreters of wonders affirmed the same, the king held that Ocrisias, to which the prodigy had first appeared, should unite with it. After which the woman, adorned with what brides are usually adorned with, was locked up alone in the house where the prodigy had appeared.

Wild stuff. Anyway, thank you for indulging me, and deepest apologies if I offended anyone.

One of my charming qualities is getting carried away with a joke that I think is hilarious, without realizing that nobody else understands the context. My wife is very patient.

The Phasma in the Fireplace

A quick addendum

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